Sex addiction

Sex addiction is a disease that develops as a survival mechanism with children that are sexually abused, physically abused, neglected or otherwise brought up in a way that does not fulfil the natural needs and wishes of a child in its upbringing.

From this dysfunctional situation a child learns to survive by suppressing feelings, denying and trivializing them. Children that grow up in families that are influenced by addiction, boundary crossing or any dysfunctional behaviour from the parents, can use sex addiction as a coping mechanism.

From this unhealthy situation the sex addict grows up with 4 main beliefs that are a basis for his or her personality. These beliefs strengthen and guarantee a progressive and continuous decline into addiction.

These are the 4 main beliefs of sex addicts:

I am a worthless and bad person.

Nobody loves me the way I am.

My needs are not being met by others.

Sex is my most important and only value as a human being.

Via a set and rigid pattern of sex addict behaviour, the addict maintains control over his or her life. Via sex they seek oblivion and experience some sense of feeling. The rush serves to dull the pain from the past and the reality of life. The addict thinks that through sex they can find love.

The addiction has 3 functions:

it dulls all types of feelings and fears.
it fills the inner void and loneliness.
it serves as the only lifesaving coping mechanism.

The addict experiences that they really cannot do anything else to survive the reality of life.

(anonymous) frequent contact.
complete abstinence from any form of sexuality.
excessive masturbation.
obsessive fantasies.
romance addiction (prince charming).
unable to allow intimacy.
exhibitionism.
voyeurism.
porn ( magazines, films, video).
internet (chat boxes, downloading pictures).
search for sex through ads in newspapers, magazines, internet and 0900 numbers.
telephone sex.
fetishism.
sm/violent sex.
sex with animals.
sex with children.
make victims (incest, rape, abuse).

Sex addiction has major consequences for the addict, his/her partner, family and surroundings. A couple of examples of these consequences are:

	Socially: loss of friends, partner and or contact with the family because the addict is completely consumed by the disease.
	Emotionally: enormous shame and feelings of guilt over the addict behaviour, as this often does not match ones own values.
	Physical: the addict could harm themselves by the nature and frequency of the sexual behaviour, and can contract a sexually transmitted disease, such as herpes, Hepatitis B or the HIV virus.
	Legal: the addict can have severe problems, lose their job or even land in jail because of exhibitionism, voyeurism, stalking, rape, incest or the abuse of children.
	Financially: the addict often spends a lot of money visiting prostitutes, buying pornographic material, going to sex cinemas, dialling 0900 numbers or browsing the internet
	Furthermore the addict can spend a lot of money on medication, therapists, debts etc.

We have developed a test of several questions that you can use to see if this pertains to you. Are you a sex addict? Click here for the sex addiction test

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Translation by Barbara Barnes